sábado, 19 de julho de 2008

The PLAN - Draft Version

After a couple of days on vacation in Portugal, I have once again realized that I do not want to stay here longer than a short period... Despite the several warnings of my parents to stay here, get an MBA, marry, have kids and die, I will not listen to them...


Nevertheless, I still have to plan my upcoming months and years... Actually, my plan was in fact to change job around september but my employer sacked me in advance. That job change would also mean that I would try to get more time for me... more time for girlfriend, more time for hobbies, more time for travelling... I was even taking in consideration to take a big step in my relation, which was to share a life... Once again, I was sacked...

Main reason for that is that I am not used to be with someone... After 2 and half years I have become selfish. In fact I have this slight problem of being egocentric and plan everything around me and not considering the other person. And many many times I say something that can hurt... such as, "I do not believe in love", "I will die young", "Women only create problems", etc etc... Well, my best friend warned me that I should not say that to anyone... I know she is right but I try to find with these sentences a way of protecting myself, a way of being stronger, a way of never to get hurt... I can do that but at the end it is not what I really meant for...

The result of all this... I lost someone that matched with me as no other... I was blind not to see it ealier and make things right but she also did not give me any chance to make it otherwise because she is selfish and does not believe in changes... I hope she will regret that and I strongly wish that she really would want to see the great guy I am and not that playboy that everybody think I am...

But life goes on... and I have to plan it taking in consideration the mistakes of the past. In deed, learning by mistake is be the best way of live life. So myplan for the moment is find out the job that most suits me. At the moment, I am concentrating all my research in Poland but for the time being, the phone is still not ringing. Therefore, the world will not be enough for me. USA, Ukraine, Ireland, Russia and Dubai, are now possible places where I am persuing to develop my professional career.

Lets see if I will be sucessful and get what I want... At this point I want these two issues in my life solve asap and in my favour because I always get what I want

domingo, 13 de julho de 2008

Changes in my life...

Changes are to be done when they really have to be done... today at 7 o´clock in the morning I had a vision (no no I was not that drunk and I did not fall down on the floor... ahahah). I had this.... humm how to call it... flashback??? maybe yes... Anyway I was iluminated by this flashback... It helped me to realize one straight thing... WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!?!?! This past year was the bottom line... party after party... spending money as crazy... for what? I always thought that this would be what I wanted but actually it is not... it took me nowhere...

I have changed a lot and I lost many things even... mainly the great guy that I know I am with principles, able to take care of myself and the person next to me... And that is what I want for me and I will have it because at the end I always get what I want...

I was about to go back to Portugal in 1 week but first thing I did when I got home... first plane ticket to Portugal... I need my family, my close friends, my room, my pillow... I need to stop and think it over... It is never to late to change and make things right... It is worst when you never really know what is going on and you keep doing mistake after mistake...

I just hope that things will be sorten out the way I want...

domingo, 6 de julho de 2008

Do I really know myself?

After almost 6 months of absence... I am back to my postings... Actually not because of the best reasons but my life suddenly changed...

Bearing in mind my previous posting, falling down is the best status to describe my current moment. Since I moved to Warsaw exactly one year ago, I have strongly believed that my life would change for better. Well, I was wrong. I have lost all my credibility and my principles in this sin city.

First of all, my previous job. My contract was not renewed therefore I am currently unemployed. I am not going to state the reasons why that happened but what I have trully learned that despite of hating some polish mentatily, the truth is that they are right about there work policies. This means that they do not care about the company´s success as well as they only work from 9 to 17. I was all the time complaining about that but that is the truth. I was doing from 9 till 20 for what?

Actually, I know for what that was and that leads to my 2nd topic. My girlfriend... or should I say, ex-girlfriend. The time I was spending at work meant that I was not giving her quality time. Despite of several advices from her in order to change, I did not listen... I was blind and so self-confident that everything would be ok. Well after sometime, I have just lost both.... from this, what have I learned as well? Basically, that I am afraid of love... I have problems to express myself... And now that I do not have her, I have just realized that I was a fool not to show her what she really mean for me... Moreover, even a day ago, I have even started a stupid game of making jealous... which only made things worst... I am so fucking stupid sometimes... Since I moved to Warsaw in deed I am losing day by day all my credibility and principles... maybe a change will be my best medicine... :(